Been there. Currently there. I've said the same thing to my H. Tomorrow will be a good day to show the 180 that you mentioned about monitoring the situation and removing the family on time.
Part of her reasoning for leaving me is that she can remove herself from my parents. She's convinced that they hate her. I don't really think that's the case, but they're definitely not healthy to have around. She apparently thinks that to be happy in a marriage, she needs to have in-laws that love her, and that she needs to go find a new man so she can have that. She detests my parents so much that she's willing to tear up her own family to get away from them.
Wow. How much interaction does your family interact with W and kids?
I dislike my inlaws immensely. But not enough to leave my marriage. I don't have much to offer. It sounds like you've done what you can to fix your part of the situation. She's angry. And I'm sorry for that. I hope for your sake that tomorrow goes well, and maybe it can be used to discuss in MC at a later point.
I have no doubt that it will be discussed in MC next week. The tension around the holidays was a large part of this week's session. My parents really have very little interaction with her. I talk to them on the phone about once a week or so, but we basically only see them for short periods of the time around the holidays. We haven't even been to visit them in quite a while.
Maybe a little background is in order. My parents have always been critical, but it was mostly just irritating until about three years ago. When our Ds were younger they would often jump in the tub with my W. Nobody in our house thought a thing of it.
Well, it happened one evening when my parents were visiting. My W decided to take a bath before we went out to eat and my parents freaked out, and the girls jumped in with her. They intimated that she was being psychologically harmful with the children, they told us that Child Services would come to our house, etc. They actually wanted to stay an extra night to sit us down like children and tell us what we were doing wrong. I came out guns blazing and shut them down. Well, they continued at it. They wouldn't stop. They sent a letter to my W that mentioned Jerry Sandusky.
What my W wanted me to do was to basically tell them to either stop with the meddling or get out of our lives. I stopped short of that, but I never wavered from defending her. She's convinced that if I [i] had just cut them out of our lives [\i] that their meddling would stop. It did eventually stop, but I let it go on too long. That's where I screwed up.
Her mental state determines how she talks about it. At her worst she tells me that she feels "dirty" and like a rape victim, and I failed to protect her from that. She talks about them bringing darkness and weird sexual hang ups into our life. I ask her if I bring that to her and she says no, but I think she associates me so closely with them that she wants to cut all three of us out.
Last edited by Rzrback; 11/26/1410:38 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
