Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

We love our boy very much. I know she won't hurt him, no matter what. She does tell herself "He's resilient" a lot. And he is. Then she'll say "He's fragile" and cry. And he is.

My W started out very cruel in our sitch. Before I found out about OM... she calmly and coolly cut me to pieces for all my faults that I thought she had forgiven me for. Our last talk like that, she attacked my character and my ability to provide for my family. That night was my first breakdown. She later took some of that back out of pity. Then I found her OM and DB and was able to get on this path.

She does have a number of medical issues. Anxiety, ADHD, Hep B in her liver, dangerously low vitamin D, she says almost constant periods for the past month, yeast infection for which she takes meds, and a very painful back injury from a past car accident for which she also takes meds. That and the stress of a son with ADD, private school tuition, job she hates, money problems, unfilled career dreams, back taxes, not owning a home of her own, and a laid back go with the flow but often sad husband.

She has carried so much over the years. Every now and then she would have a crying spell. She would call me on the phone and cry and say what I thought was gibberish. I would listen but not hear her. I had so many chances to turn this around. I thought there would always be time.

I have learned from your posts on other threads and mine how to act now when she's crying, shaking, and showing pain. That was one good thing I've done recently on her last crying spell after Starsky said I was being too much like a good friend with the empathy. Thank you again for more of your wisdom on this. I know I'm going to need it again very soon.

But when she's cold and calculating and brutal. What is that when she says she loves me and wants the best for me? When OM came into our picture, she said... "you should just get away from me! I'm terrible and no good for you!" Does she really think she bad for me and tearing me apart will make me hate her and leave like she seems to think I should?

Thank you again sandi for all of your wonderful help.