I have read thru your thread and I feel for you in your situation. I am very new here and not an expert, but I have been married 3 times and divorced in the past and am now married again and definitely for life. Experience may be the best teacher but not the most fun. I first got married when 19 yo with my pregnant 16 yo girlfriend - and we were actually married 9 years that turned out remarkably pretty well - in retrospect - but our own "youthful" activities of alcohol, some drug usage, and mutual infidelities could not be overcome at our own levels of immaturity back then. And I also was not a Christian Believer then, either. (BIG mistake on my part!)

Just some perceptions/questions here I have formed for your consideration. It just seems to me that you are much more mature than your wife, in so many ways. Is it possible she now actually thinks of you more as a "father figure" than a husband/romantic partner?

Is she acting more like a teenager wanting to escape her parent's "controlling" household than anything else? She just keeps repeating that she wants to leave and be free, right?

It would bother me greatly that she has renounced Christianity, as well. Again, this seems symptomatic of a rebellious child to me.

Also her drinking, partying, and pot-smoking (or other drug usage - maybe) is not an actual sign of maturity.

I would also "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" just emotionally regarding the fact that she may, indeed, already be having sex with other people. I would not myself merely assume that all of her talk about such desires was just a kind of "testing game". All those "blogs" she talks about reading are probably NOT blogs/forums like this one dedicated to actually repairing and saving marriages - which is why she is so surprised you have never really "blown up" and acted out yourself.

She is (probably) both happy and unhappy about that. Happy you didn't try to actually "punish her" verbally (or just kick her out, immediately) with all of that acute discomfort - but it also reinforces (again, perhaps) her thinking of you as merely an "unconditionally loving" father figure - rather than a "hot blooded" romantic male lead - whose actual applied love IS (and has to be) "conditional" on her own proper and reciprocal behaviors.