New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[Calibri]

I just quickly skimmed through your stitch (I'm at work...shhhh) to see where the parents came into play. I'm glad that you took a stand against them and you and your W appear to be on the same page about it.

I have issues with H's parents. They're toxic as hell. My MIL offered to help H out of a financial hole that he got himself in. The catch? He had to leave me. And he wonders why I didn't want to spend the holidays with them that year.

I've spent several years angry at H, angry at them. Why didn't H stand up for me? Why? Because he couldn't stand up for himself. He avoided conflict and the relationship I have with his parents....is filled with conflict. Some of which H perpetuated. But I started to realize that while, yes, my H should've stood up for me, I'm a grown woman and if I was so offended, I should've said something myself and not relied on my H to white knight for me.

At some point, (and this may be an unpopular opinion) she may have to look at why she needs you to protect her from your parents. She needs to address the hurt that she has with them, and in turn, with you and really get into it. Because if it's not figured out -- it's going to fester.

Have you asked her point blank if there was anything that you could do to help her move forward with this? The reason I ask, my IC last year helped me have a conversation with my H about his parents. I asked him what he wanted/needed for me to do to have a relationship with his parents that he would be happy with. He told me. I listened. And then I told him what I needed from him to make that relationship happen. And it worked.

Just a thought.

Hang in there!