New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[NH115]

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You are not along in this. We all have faced this at one point or another. Yes, it is very painful to hear those wicked scary words that pierces our hearts. Not fun at all. This is how many WASes feel at that moment. In time, those feelings will gradually come back when the LBS sticks with the changes and follows the general DBing principles. Eyes one the prize, buddy! Your family.

Thanks. Seeing the pain in her face and knowing I helped to get her there is still a weakness for me. She does notice my changes, and I have noticed that she has been more of her old self lately. I can't help but think that she's responding to me in some way.

I noticed that W talks about "not being able to get those feelings back" is when you bring up the OM or argue against her. Please be mindful of this and try to be more self-aware of what/how you communicate with W.

Holy crap, Wonka! You just reminded me of a very important point I forgot to mention in my pre-coffee posting this morning. We were getting along fabulously until we were leaving Home Depot. She asked me how I felt about us, which I replied "good", which was true. I screwed up and started in on the OM and how I'd never feel good as long as he's in her life. Everything went downhill from there. For a guy with a Master's degree, I can be pretty dense sometimes.

I like hearing this from you. That is the right way to go about this. You might want to state briefly to W that the old relationship is dead and that you're trying to forge a new one together. Then leave it at that. Plant small seeds in her head. Believe me, WASes do pay attention to stuff like this.

Yeah...there cannot be a timeline to a marathon. Not the 50-yard dash. Shoot, Usian Bolt owns the world record!

I was talking about shedding this old relationship in the sense of starting over life w/o her, but I guess that really applies either way. Our current M is dead, and we both need to let go of the past and start over. Whether we build a new M together or we pursue new lives separately is really the question. She's terrified that she can't let go of the past, and it makes her want to run and start over without me and my baggage. Tabula rasa is one of her favorite sayings.

Marathon pace, marathon pace, must remember that

Dead on as always, Wonka.