I like that idea, Train. I didn't want to get in an actual confrontation, but he needs to know who I am. It'll be divine providence if I run across him at all.
Oh yea, he'll know by seeing your "chit-eating" grin thrown his way without a SINGLE word. Walk right by him like the Duke (John Wayne) who doesn't have a care in the world and knows his manhood down cold.
Trust me, the word will trickle back to W because the OM will be shaking his boots. I agree with Train about quiet confidence and strength. You CAN do this.
Originally Posted By: Rzr
After her storm passed and she got back in a better emotional state, we sat scrolling through pics of us and the kids on her iPhone. That's the one time I let myself get angry, when OM's picture popped up not once but 7 times! I told her that I'd like to look at pictures of my children without his ugly face showing up. She deleted them off her phone immediately. I'll check tonight to see if she retrieved them out of her trash or not.
I'd suggest that you pull back on family related activities as it is apparent that W is still attached to OM. I would suggest that you use this script that Sandi suggested for HP:
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
When your W has expectations of watching the TV with you or any other activity you two did in the past.......have you just looked at her and said, "There is nothing I want more than for our M and our lives to be healthy and normal again. However, as long as you are actively involved with another man, I cannot pretend to enjoy a shared activities just the two of us, as if all is well. It is painful for me and feels like a mockery to what we once had." This should not be said with anger or coldness. It should be said lovingly, but not pitifully.
I think you can modify to suit the situation. Your W still has pictures of the OM on her smartphone and what else is lurking behind the curtain? Really.
Originally Posted By: Rzr
But when I'm sitting in the car with her and her tears start to flow and she says those things to me, I melt. It's just so sad to think that she doesn't feel that way about me anymore. It's a huge ego hit to think that she no longer desires me. She wants to be attracted to me again, she just doesn't think she can. She wasn't ugly or hateful, just sad and scared. I kept my tears under control, but barely.
You are not along in this. We all have faced this at one point or another. Yes, it is very painful to hear those wicked scary words that pierces our hearts. Not fun at all. This is how many WASes feel at that moment. In time, those feelings will gradually come back when the LBS sticks with the changes and follows the general DBing principles. Eyes one the prize, buddy! Your family.
Originally Posted By: Rzr
I still argue too much when she brings up issues, as if my explanations will do ANY good.
This morning when she left for work, she gave me a long hug, kissed me, and told me we'd figure it out.
This is a positive. Yes, W will swing back and forth. I noticed that W talks about "not being able to get those feelings back" is when you bring up the OM or argue against her. Please be mindful of this and try to be more self-aware of what/how you communicate with W.
Originally Posted By: Rzr
Maybe shedding this old relationship will be a necessary part of shedding the baggage and pain of my past life. Then again, maybe not. Only time will tell. Still working on letting go of my wife, and of the future that hasn't happened yet. I need to stop putting this on a timeline.
I like hearing this from you. That is the right way to go about this. You might want to state briefly to W that the old relationship is dead and that you're trying to forge a new one together. Then leave it at that. Plant small seeds in her head. Believe me, WASes do pay attention to stuff like this.
Yeah...there cannot be a timeline to a marathon. Not the 50-yard dash. Shoot, Usian Bolt owns the world record!
