Separated, but still friends

[Sotto]

"You know, from 7/26/14 to 10/31/14 we have a R better then when on honeymoon. I actually never had a most beautiful love. He was always very caring, nice, gentle. I still don't understand how H could make love with such passion, love and intensity if he didn't feel anything about me?"

I have read about this. I think it is partly because for a time, the WAS is getting all of his needs met. He is having an A with someone else, who is meeting part of his needs and you are meeting another part. Having A's can awaken greater sexual desire and affection in WAS's towards their spouse (or it can go the other way). Their libido has been boosted and they want to ML more often - potentially both with the AP and the LBS. So, the A adds 'spice' to your LM for a while. Equally, they can view their spouse very kindly/lovingly whilst having an A.

I think compartmentalisation is important too. For the WAS, the M and the A can be in two separate 'boxes', and they can convince themselves that what is in one box won't affect the other. In fact, they may even believe that having the A 'benefits' their M. In effect they 'open' the A box when they are with the AP, and they open the M box when they are with the LBS.

Plus WAS' may 'minimise' the A....this is just something for me... It's not a huge thing etc.

And they may also 'rationalise' things - 'the kids will be fine' etc.

Of course all of the above thinking and 'boxing up' is only sustainable for so long.

You say that your H has ML to you when he "didn't feel anything about" you. Of course that isn't true, and he does feel many things about you. But of course feelings at the moment are confused (and complex) and it will take some time for the dust to settle on all of this.

I do have goals....have a look at my sitch for these. I do want to update them though....I'm learning as I go along! :-)