Need help. Jefe wants to change himself. Pt 7

[PeterV2]

Jefe, I've heard those words too. But that's just where her mind is at right now. Things change. People change. Maybe she's had a rough day. Maybe she experienced some personal failures today and she's in a negative frame of mind.

Do not focus on the negative. That will only cause it to grow. Focus on the positives - then they will grow. What you focus on grows.

What's the positive here? It's that she is still confiding in you, telling you her feelings and her thoughts, however dark they may be.

I get the same thing from my W. She dumped on me tonight, saying she needs time alone. That there was a time not too long ago when she was ready to file for D. That's the first time I heard that. It was all I could do to keep a poker face and acknowledge her pain and feelings without getting defensive and emotional. But by not reacting as I used to I gave her a safe place to vent.
I also told her I'm 100% committed to her and supportive of her search for her identity. And that I was 100% committed to rebuilding our marriage. When I left the RH she gave me a long hug - held me for 10-15 seconds. Twice.

So when she vents, just listen. It's not about you so don't get all bent out of shape over it. It's about her feelings which are all over the place, but she needs you to bounce these things off of. Ever notice that when you explain something to someone, hearing yourself say it, it helps you to think more clearly about it. Even to the point that you'll say something and later you think about what you said and realized it may not be accurate. I think that's what happens with the spew & apology pattern.

Regardless, don't take it personally. Just listen to her. Acknowledge that you hear her. You don't have to agree. Sometimes it's better not to say anything. Just nod your head, or if on the phone uh-huh.