Sorry to hear that you are so hurt with all what is happening.
I read so much of the negative side of the story, but you have been with this men for so long... you are here too. So you know that there is some good in him. Maybe there are some issues to work on if you two get together again, but you came to these boards because you believe you did not want to loose him.
I get all the need to explain and expose the situation to others, but some people are like snakes and they take great joy in putting someone down. A real friend will give you advice to help you and maybe even protect you, but a real friend won't let you down, they will respect your opinion, they will ask what you want to do and help you to get there, even when they don't agree with you.
Don't feel your heart with gossip and venous comments, it will just stop you from being a great person. Follow your instincts, and if it comes to leaving your H, then you will do it because it's best for you alone.
You can be your best friend, I know it, sometimes I look in the mirror and I know I can't lie to myself and I know what I want, even if it is against all opinions, all odds.
What about your goals, your 180s, GAL. I know that being here is also a learning process of how to change our actions and this way change H reactions.
Take a step back and balance the good and the bad, maybe you can find your answers inside your heart. Remember that when you say you are done will be because you did all you could to save you M.
And do what Michelle says... patient, patient and patient. If after all the hard work you realize that you will be better off without H, then you will be free for the next step in your life, and will be happy too.
Just a though... I am new to all this, have big problems with my H, his affair, I have bad days and good ones, I am learning how to detach, how to love someone from the distance, how to set boundaries, well a whole deal of new me. So, it's just a though to storm your thinking.
Good luck in your journey, hope you find some peace within yourself. A big nice hug to you sunshine.
