Really too late....

[lost18]

So, I'm continuing to struggle. Still have not figured out how to detach or drop my expectations. Even when I'm out doing my own thing I'm wondering what he's doing. Grrr...

I'm just in such a weird place. There is this gynormous elephant in the room but we are not talking about it.

Had a decent weekend. Spent Sat at d13's tournament together and dinner afterwards. Sunday he didn't go but when we got home his friend from high school was over and he had cleaned the house, gone to the store and was cooking dinner.

Yesterday I was building shelves and he helped me some, showed me how to use some power tools I had never used. We have been getting along very well...except for that elephant.

Tonight we were supposed to go to a gathering for D13's team. He said he was going to go up until 30 minutes or so before we were leaving. I was upset and although I didn't say anything I'm sure it showed on my face. I was going over some things I could say if he asked me if I was upset (which he didn't) and I just kept coming up with "I've been doing things alone for 6 years so I'm used to it!" No resentment in that statement. So, I'm glad he didn't say anything! Honestly, even before the B this is not something he would have enjoyed. He doesn't know the people and doesn't really care to sit around and talk about the team thing.

I asked myself why I was so upset and came up with a few things. 1) I feel the more we do together the more he is coming back. 2) I'm worried about having to explain to others where H is. 3) I'm tired of doing it alone (although he has not told me he wants to stay married). Sigh, lots of work to do.