Bravo, thanks for the 2x4 -- I needed to hear that. His feelings are his feelings and I shouldn't try to argue against them, if only in my head.
Maybell, I cried during T-giving last year too -- H picked a fight with me while I was making food, and I burst into tears and then had to face his family when it was obvious that I'd been crying. I actually don't think that we would have a repeat of that this year, because we are in a different place now and we know what's at stake -- but I still don't know if I'm ready to do it.
We had R talk last night (at his request) but we didn't talk about T-giving. It was not a great conversation -- I really felt like he just didn't want to be there, and he wasn't in a validating mood -- but it ended well enough. (H even tucked me into bed and held me for a little while before he left.) First thing this am, he sent me a text that thanked me for being gracious again. That would be the 2nd time in a row he's texted the morning after R talk. I know he is trying to show me that he's not in complete withdrawal. I can see that he is trying to breath some life back into this marriage.
He just came to pick up D7 for the night and asked if we could talk again tomorrow night. We are now spending an hour or more together at least every other day. I feel like that's a pace at which we can make some sustainable progress.
