Mighty, hope the surgery went well and you are recovering quicker than expected
A lot to think about, but then again not. Don't get ahead of yourself. Great advice once again.
A little story for you. I know you're mind is having trouble focusing with all the emotions racing around. Take a deep breath and listen for a minute.
hww will not understand until it happens to her. Even then... She did what she did and your ex did what he did. For many, their mind will go into self-protection mode. It will rationalize everything as much as possible. Until... there is no more rationalization that can be had. The event will have run its course. hww hasn't arrived there yet and may never. Your ex? He may have. It's likely but not sure. As KML suggested, he needs help. He found one friend he could talk to. That's a good thing. He'll need more.
The story. I've been dating a lady for a while now. Her mom died a few years ago and it blew the family apart for a while. They were devastated. Her father had an affair with a family friend years ago. They reconciled a while later and the family worked it out. Except this lady. She has not forgiven her father. Fast forward to a year ago. The family found out her brother was having an affair for the last 3 years. The sil thought she was going nuts the past few years and was seeing a therapist. The father is a pillar in the community and teaches a lot of young people via sports. He was a cop for 30 years; recently retired. When sil found out, she lost it but not over the top. She was also relieved she wasn't going crazy. (I think many of us can relate). The kids? They absolutely lost their minds. All grown kids. One still won't talk to his father.
The sil and brother? It's slow because sil doesn't trust him. Because the kids don't trust him.
Because he has to earn that trust back. He's moving back in after a year of counseling and being ow free. After demonstrating that he wants to be trusted.
There's still a long way to go.
He's different. He is fighting to keep his family. That intent matters. She may not let him keep trying if he doesn't fight. She knows its her choice and she'll make it. She also won't accept less. But she also won't live in the past and use it to beat him down (as he feared.)
Be well, Mighty.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
