New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[Azagtoth]

It's funny, and I'm sure this is the oxytocin talking, that she tells me she draws no comfort off of me, yet she gets really uneasy not having me around.

You are a "comfort" she has had for 20+ years; still a bond there of course!

I want to turn up the spontaneity and laughter in our lives; laughter is a big deal to her. If you have any ideas about how to do that and continue my 180s, I'm all ears.

Best thing you can do is continue to GAL and be as upbeat as possible. Don't let her see you down/depressed/moping! If she asks how you are, respond in a positive matter but make sure your actions show it as well! If you have the opportunity to joke & kid around with her like you did when you first started, even better! Nothing will kill your attraction & her respect more than giving the appearance of unhappiness and "pining away" for her. If she can see you standing on your own, confident, happy with yourself and able to move on without her, it may give her pause to what she is about to lose!

I have not explicitly demanded that she cut off OM, just because I know that demanding will get me exactly nowhere, but I need to make her understand that she will lose me forever if she cannot get him taken care of. She will lose me....not the other way around. I've alread decided that if she continues to make this douchebag more important than me, I'm going to stop wasting my time with her.

So, if this is the way you truly feel, be plain blunt about it. Tell her you will not tolerate the OM nor will you discuss it further with her. If she continues on her path, she risks losing you permanently. If a PA is a "deal breaker", make sure she knows it is and the marriage will be irretrievable broken if she does. Be direct, use an even voice, don't lose control. If she tries to argue the point, just walk away.

Just my opinion and my way; adjust accordingly to your style & approach!

Az, you are very wise. Awesome, awesome post!

Thanks Starsky; wish I could have been "wiser" sooner in my life. Took a lot of reading and a lot of self improvement and I am still tweaking me. But hey, at least an "old dog" can learn new tricks!


Az