Confusion is getting better, I think...

[Okabe]

I guess the hard part for me is waiting. I know my wife. She is stubborn and often won't take action until she is forced to. So as I work on detaching I wonder how long before she starts to talk to me about our R, she didn't tell me before. I suppose her feelings are exposed and so are mine, so at least we both (kind of) know where we stand.
I wonder about next year. We take a vacation to visit her family every year when the boys get out of school. Do I go? If I don't, the boys will now be informed about the possibility of separation and divorce being on the table. I know this is too far in the future and I should focus on the now.
I have a hard time letting go of my impulse to want to "fix" things. I can't do 180s on the stated issues because they are all things that will push her away (intimacy and affection). The biggest change I have tried to make is to be sure I am facing her and giving her my whole attention when she is tallking (which I think was definitely a problem before).
I have noticed as I am working on detaching. I am happier. I didn't realize how much I depended on her to feel good about myself. I have also noticed how either unhappy or serious (it's hard to tell sometimes- she has a very flat affect) she is much of the time. I wonder if she ever enjoys herself aside from when she's playing her online games.
Just a few thoughts today.