Welcome and so sorry that you find yourself here. I second what others commented before that listening to the vets is a great way to get insight and advice that can help you. I see a few similarities in my situation and feel for you and the extreme emotional roller coaster that you seem to be subjected to. I am relatively new to the boards and I find hope, inspiration and wisdom in reading what everyone else is going through. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids