Angry WAH blames me for everything.......

[Calibri]

Ss,

Being a tough b*tch is a defense mechanism. I realized that a while back. Honestly, it's exhausting. I'm exhausted from it. Do I want to be a doormat? No. But there's a probably a better way to stand up for oneself without extending a middle finger with it. HA.

I'm glad you see some positives. Right now, I'm so deep in the forest I can't see the trees.

His journey scares me. Alot. Because it's going to be a long one. I know it's a journey he needs to take. But I'm afraid that his journey will be too hard for him and he won't do it. Historically, he doesn't do hard things. Avoids them at all costs. Probably being married to me was the first hard thing he's stuck with and well.....look where we are. I don't know if he will do the work to get where he needs to be. To be healthy, to be happy, to take ownership of his life and not blame others for his problems. And if he won't do that journey, he certainly won't work on our marriage. But truth be told, he could take the journey, and still not work on our marriage.

I've started writing but I've noticed that the themes revolve around H. What's going on with H. How could H not say anything. Why is H doing this?

H, H, H.

You're right. I need to work on me. And start my journey.

I'm scared to put my marriage in the box. To me, that means I'm not working on it. But, working on me will indirectly work on the marriage. And working on me is all I can do at this point. Still scary to tuck it away.