Busting this Divorce - Standing Firm

[HPoirot]

Journaling...

I survived yesterday. After the emails... I went upstairs to talk with S11. Then W came into his bedroom and joined the conversation. She was like normal... seemed like a good mood. We when to the bedroom where she had been watching TV and she kept talking. Light conversation.

I then said exactly what you suggested Wonka. When I told W I love you deeply, she brightened and said the same. Then I was turning to go to the shower.

As you said Wonka, she kept talking.

And I didn't do what you said. I didn't stop her there.

I did do some good things... I leaned on the wall away and over her while she sat on the bed. This instead of me sitting close to her and reaching out to touch and comfort her when she cried. I did STFU for most of her talking. I did listen and showed it. I kept my PMA and confident posture.

She said many things moving back over to her closest to R stance...

She's scared of making the wrong decision by blowing up her family.
She says she's f'ed up with anger and trust issues.
She says she needs to get better and she is going back to IC.
Apologized for OM, said I was right about the disrespect and lies, but still insisted it was innocent.
She says she's really was proud of, happy and impressed with my changes.
A (formerly divorced then unhappily re-married to her H) friend recommended the couples weekend.
She was very excited about the couples weekend. (I didn't say I wanted to go.)
Her friend warned her, if she takes too long to decide to stay, that it then may be too late for me to want to stay.
She says, with my changes, she feels afraid I'll decide I won't want her (I STFU and did not reassure her).
Praised me like she did in her last email.
She says she plans to live with me until June.
She says at that time it's "us deciding if we want to keep going."

So she was back to saying "if it works out" instead of "I don't want it to work out" like in the morning.

Only one thing she said maybe matters... She said I was right in my (Wonka's) email that is was wrong to get me to go to MC when she was not committed to the work. So she was going to IC to work on that.

So, with all that happened yesterday, it's like nothing happened. Nothing really changed. I think this is good to know because now I know these episodes pass. Every decision or crazy event is not the end of the world. I can take care of myself better knowing that.

She also mentioned my OW... that she didn't mention her as a low blow in her email. That W saw that whole event as her wanting me to heal from that old pain with OW. I did speak at this pont to reiterate I was wrong to bring OW into our M and that I should have looked to W for get my emotional needs met. That we both made that mistake, not taking care of ourselves and each other emotionally.

Anyway, we then talked about the future... moving together to a new town... getting boy to a new school, etc. I finally ended it. It was nice and we were re-connected a little.

Even so... I see how letting the convo go on was a mistake and could leave openings for her to go back on anything she said yesterday regarding boundaries and MC.

She did ask again to watch our zombie TV show. I did not remember what to say and it didn't seem right after the day's events so I just said no thanks I'm going to bed. I was genuine this time so there was no problem.

I did tell her of a plan I have for Thanksgiving morning to go volunteer for the homeless and go to the parade with S11. She was excited about that and wants to come without me inviting her.

She went to go sleep on the sofa. Said good nights. End of day.

This morning was regular. I kept subdued PMA. She looked somewhat tired. We said see you laters from across the room and she's gone.

I will get back to myself today. Again got very little done with work and myself yesterday.

Do want to make sure I didn't shoot myself in the foot with anything last night though. I'm aware her saying she would end contact with OM yesterday is nothing. I do have an immediate MC option in mind. Should I bring up setting an appointment?

I have so much to do today. This sitch is not my only bad stressor.

Getting to it now.

Thank you again everyone who reads these and everyone who responds with advice and encouragement. Thank you again for this board. Thank you.