I can't imagine all the emotions that must be going through you right now. Seeing the "old" H that you loved so and not knowing what will happen with him and your R must be so confusing to put it mildly. Add the issues with S17 and your surgery and you are bound to be an emotional wreck (or at least I'm sure I would be). Can you sit for a moment and pray? Maybe take a minute to just "Be still and know that I am God" (my new iphone case has this reminder for me as I tend to try to control and fix things myself) and know that God has you and your entire family and even XH and the new baby on the way in His very capable hands. I find that when my mind is really going crazy if I just stop and pray for a minute I can often refocus or it can keep me from doing something I shouldn't. I just did this today when I had the urge and opportunity to snoop on H and OW and I was so proud that I overcame that temptation.

Sending hugs and prayers out to you today Mighty. Praying for an easy surgery and a quick and uneventful recovery for you. And some peace, you could use a few peaceful days.

Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together