I've been holding out a little. Someone who is very close w xh & I confided in me a few nights ago. They said xh has been opening up a lot the past few weeks. This person acknowledged that this never happens as xh is a clam when it comes to that. Apparently it has been many, many conversations where xh is allowed to freely talk & let it out. Now, this person didn't want to say too much, but felt I had a right to know since everything has been so hurtful & confusing.
I was told xh has been extremely unhappy. Was ready to leave after baby (must be he couldn't wait that long). That he made the biggest mistake of his life and just wants his family back. This next part is very fuzzy in my brain bc I have a hard time believing it. I have so many self protective sensors now, I think that's why I haven't acknowledged this internally or externally. In Fact the words are blurry & I don't remember exactly. Xh said he does not know if I'd ever take him back but he would do whatever it takes to make it right. Ok, the first part I'm clear. The second, I'm pretty sure & I remember saying that it was hard to believe bc he never really gave to our r. I do t want that to diminish out r, but he was the distancer and taker. Not the giver. So it's hard to imagine him fighting for me. On many levels, also, bc I don't see it. I did a little the night he hugged me, and a little at the banquet. I know he has a lot right now.
Xh said that I have always had his back no matter what. Whether he was right or wrong. That he misses his family and just wants it back. To me, xhhas said some of these things and implied some.... I don't know.
Just thought I'd get it out.
Oh boy, clocks ticking. Yuck... Not looking forward to Surg. Blah...
