He wants to say something, but isn't ready. He didn't say that. I can just tell. I don't know what he is thinking.
Um, yes. He has a LOT to say. But it won't happen overnight. There's a lot that has to happen before he'll be able to talk. Could be years. But as you've surmised, it has to do with trust. Seems backwards from all you ever learned in the past that he needs to trust you, right? But think about it.
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OK, stay focused. Keep it about the kids. That's what matters now.
No, you matter too. They may be the higher priority at the moment, but keep your focus on you as well. They are the higher priority at the moment for a self-serving reason too. If you don't handle that, things will wobble in a way that will not be pleasant to you. So really, the three of you are on equal footing.
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And, he said, "You know the relief s17 had when I told him about moving out? That's the same relief I have.
It's a start. There's more, but it'll take a long time to unwind things. And no matter how things end up with the two of you, I strongly recommend friends at a minimum. For now, that might be a good place to work toward.
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Anyone who has been through the break-up of ow, please feel free to chime in. It is bringing up some emotions for me. To think he is emotional about that and feels bad when he walked out on me after 20 years. Not a good feeling.
I agree with Wonka, but there's more in the archives if they have not been purged. Job had some really good advice to many a poster in the past regarding this type of stuff. I believe it was Raine that also had some good things to say.
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I have got to pick up my gal game! Geesh... next door?! Seriously?!
If it helps, mine moved in a few blocks away. I almost ran her over a few years ago (on accident, I swear!). It is weird at first. Convenient after a while
Like I said, Mighty. Be careful that the change in direction doesn't throw you off. To keep your balance, you pretty much need to STFU and learn to listen. You will hear things you may not want to. You will feel things you may not like. But if you are detached enough, you might just find it is helpful to you both.
Job once mentioned that in the cycle of things, the LBS has the final say on staying gone. It may take months. It may take years. It may take decades, but it always plays out that way. If it hasn't, the story often isn't over... Many people on these boards have made quite the study of MLC and relationships. They've been through it and seen it. MGoBlue was another poster that might be helpful to you, but I think Wonka's suggestion is a great bet. And your own instinct vs. your feelings.
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The truth is, I don't know what he wants, and I'm sure he doesn't know either.
Well, he thinks he knows one thing - he doesn't want to be near her. Regardless of his past, he took action on that. But let it play out and be detached. No expectations. See above about the value of listening. About the value of letting hww be the crazy one. Of remembering that you fought for your h and the marriage and the family, but not with hww.
And don't get ahead of yourself. This may turn out to be a respite. It may be something else. The choice is completely and utterly yours.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
