Third MC session today. This one seemed to go well. We're finally starting to talk about our core issues. That didn't happen last week and W was really frustrated, even though we knew that the MC has to be systematic about our situation.
She did tell my W in no uncertain terms that she needed to end her R with OM. Obviously W didn't like that. The OM is providing her with emotional needs that I'm not meeting, and W is terrified to cut off that ray of sunshine. At the same time the therapist admonished me not to hassle W about it. She's going to have to take care of her mess with OM in her own way and in her own time. Me ordering her and giving ultimatums is not going to do any good. W is very clear on my boundaries.
We discussed the holidays a lot. That means spending time with my parents (whom she detests, and I'm no fan of), and it's causing a lot of stress. I'm taking the lead in setting and maintaining boundaries with my parents, including when we leave to head over to her family for TGiving part deux. The holidays are going to be one of my opportunities to prove that I can lead and protect her. To her credit, W did mention that she has noticed a lot of improvement in my assertiveness and leadership in the family.
We ended with an exercise where we each wrote down three things we need to have either more of or less of in our relationship. We then had to practice assertively asking for those things and actively listening. Interestingly enough, our three goals were almost identical.
Our homework for the week is to find something to laugh about with each other at least once a day. We found three things to laugh about before we even got home from MC. I'm keeping a log to take to next week's session.
W has been in an excellent mood today. She's almost been her old self. We had very brief discussion about OM, considering he texted her 10 minutes before we left for MC. She's angry with the OM. She's angry that he texts her these things that get her stirred up and then disappears for days at a time. She's angry at how he's screwing with her emotions. I managed not to join in the OM bashing. I'm still maintaining 180 and detachment as much as possible. No initiating affection, no ILY's, just strong, positive and independent.
I saw a bit of the sassy, defiant, strong woman I fell in love with. I know we have more rough days ahead, but this day was a win.
Last edited by Rzrback; 11/25/1401:43 AM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
