Welcome and awesome details in your sitch. It sounds similar to mine.
My mother is an Undiagnosed borderline, abused us as kids, I lived in foster care, blah, blah, blah. My H's family is involved in the film industry so = narcissists. Lovely.
I'm a tough b!tch, too. After a few months of introspection and DB, a lot of that is a defense mechanism and it's not how I want to be any more. Do you?
This is tough, I'll tell ya. I see some positives in your situation, as painful as it is, there's hope.
But first, YOU. That's where this process begins and ends, with YOU. IT TOOK ME TOO LONG TO FIGURE THAT OUT. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE.
Take a breath, honor what you've been through to this point.
He has stuff to work on and so do you.
You can't fix him, help him on his journey, guide him, suggest books, even walk beside him. His journey is his.
And yours is yours. Find a blank book, literally, and start writing in it. Your journey truly begins right now.
As a very wise vet has told me, put your marriage safely in a box and put that box on a shelf. There's nothing you can do on it right this minute so put it safely away. It has worked for me, so I can see myself more clearly.
Who I am. What I value. That I am valuable. Who I want to be. With or without my H.
