New Here and very sad.

[Daisy11]

Hello everyone.

My 25 year marriage has ended. I moved out of our home on Nov. 12th. My husband left that morning for work crying and I pretty much cried the whole day. I am sure the movers thought I was crazy.

We have been a mess for the last 4 years. Before that we had some issues, but I would say a good marriage. I have never once imagined my life without him. We both had affairs, he had one very early and we never really discussed it. Then about 6 years ago I began noticing that he talked about a woman at work a lot. We did have major discussions about this woman and he always said they just were friends.

4 years ago my mom died from cancer and I was very close to my parents. I was lost. A short time after she died I had an affair. I ended it after 5 months but by that time my husband knew and asked me. I said that yes, I had and that is when the 4 years of hell began. We have been to 3 different counselors, each time getting nowhere. He cannot forgive me and I think he is still involved in some capacity with the woman from work. I have seen an email between them mentioning wanting a hug, and she texted him on Mother's Day this year, saying she was at a ballgame with her kids. We fought terribly about his contact with her when we were supposed to be working on our marriage. He insisted that nothing has ever happened with her and I was deflecting because of my affair.

In this 4 years I have had a stroke, had heart surgery, lost my father suddenly, settled a huge estate and lost communication with a sister because of that, had cervical cancer and a hysterectomy. It has been intertwined with these terrible marriage problems.

I moved out, taking my 13 year old daughter, we both have lawyers and the divorce was filed on October 30, our oldest son's birthday. Our 3 kids are destroyed. I, actually, am destroyed. I don't text him or talk to him. We don't see each other when we exchange our daughter. We have not yet had our temporary hearing, so no child support or alimony so far.

I cry at the drop of a hat. I am lonely, I miss him. I do believe that something had to stop the circle of destruction we were doing to each other, but I guess deep down I hoped we would wait to file for divorce. 25 years is a long time. I still love him very much. I am so afraid that in no time he will have a girlfriend and I will not be able to handle that. My daughter says when she is there at our old house with him that she can hear him crying at night.

I am working on myself. I am very involved in my church, I got a job for the first time in 25 years and tomorrow night I am going to a divorce support group. All the kids will be with him for 5 days during Thanksgiving. This will be the first time in my life that I am alone for that amount of time. I am really hurting. I want my family back.

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[Daisy11]

ok. Thank you.

I dropped off my daughter today and won't see her until Sunday night.

I do understand that I need to detach and expect nothing. So easy to say and I honestly have no idea how to do that after 25 years. I can not be alone in that thinking, can I? Is it a bad thing to want your marriage to work?

I just do not understand how he can be done so easily.

[Cadet]

Hello.

I am new here and have just dropped of my DD at H's where him and my 2S will be home from college. My family is all there but me. This hurts. I moved out 14 days ago. It sounds childish, but I feel like in 2 weeks they (my H and 3 kids) have forgot about me completely. I honestly have never felt so alone in my life.

Why did you move out if you still wanted to be married?

[Ahoy]

Daisy,
You have been through a lot. Do you both want this divorce? If not, then try not to push it along so fast. But even if it does go through, your life will have new things in store for you, either way. The sadness seems overwhelming now, but it will lessen over time. Don't be afraid to seek medical help for depression if you find yourself in that state. Take care of yourself and be strong and positive for your kids. Make them your priority right now. That's about all you can do. Sending hugs your way.