New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[Azagtoth]

Rzr,

Thanks for posting on my thread! I meant to come check out your sitch earlier; been a busy couple of weeks. Wanted to comment on your thread; bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Take what you need, ignore the rest; just my thoughts:

Scanned & read through both of your threads; you are getting good advice from Starsky, Wonka, Cali and others!

The biggest issue here is her lack of respect and complete disrespect to you about the details of OM and her intent. What the vets are telling you is true; DO NOT tolerate anymore talk about the OM. She has put you into the "Friend Zone" and thinks it's OK to discuss this cr@p like you are one of her girlfriends or something! To make it worse, she is actually telling you she is considering a full PA...basically trying to force and open marriage sitch on you! Need to 180 on this asap and hold to it! Also, if I understand correctly, this guy travels a lot on business. Sounds like he could be pretty set financially; be careful of potential hypergamy motives.

Are you still GAl'ing? Going to the gym? Got involved in any hobbies or activities for YOU??

As someone stated earlier, she is feeding off the fact 2 men are "fighting" over her! She is getting validation, and the more she gets and continues to get, your sitch will not improve! Remove yourself from this. Get on with your GAL and move forward for you. Be polite and respectful; hit her with truth darts when warranted; otherwise, pull yourself back & detach from her! I agree as someone posted earlier; as long as she is involved with OM, she cannot have any relationship with you (sex, cuddling, affection, etc). You are Plan A only; you will not be Plan B!


Not sure your financial sitch or how you guys divide things (and not my business), however, some things to think about from the financial & support aspect:

I notice the texting stuff bothers you....my question is, who pays for that cell phone? If it is hers on her own plan, then fine. If it is you on a joint plan, why continue to allow this on your dime/account? Cut that phone line off! Even if you are under contract, you can still kill the line. Make sure you have the pw to the account and lock her out. She is then forced to pay for her own EA!


Once you have finally had enough of the BS:

What kind of support are you giving her? Is it basic support, just the necessities, or is she still privy to full access of a joint account? Can she still shop & "have fun" on your dime? Why fully support and give to someone beyond basics (shelter & food) if they give nothing in return. Secure your funds and provide basic support only. Don't pay her bills (CC, car insurance, etc...). In short, if she doesn't want to be a wife, then she doesn't deserve the amenities that comes with being a wife! This also allows you to stockpile monies in the event everything just goes south and the inevitable occurs. And I wouldn't keep it in an account anywhere that's traceable; cash it out and stash it somewhere safe!


Hang in there man; take care of yourself! Like I said at the beginning, just my thoughts and opinions; do what is best for YOU!


Az