Believe me, no one signed up for this willingly! Not me. Not 25. Not Sandi. Not 1,000 DBers who have gone before us. This a real Boot Camp unlike any on Earth. I very much doubt even hardened SEALs can endure this chit. [this is meant sincerely, not as offense to true heroes]
Originally Posted By: HPoirot
Response... "ok HP. I understand. well, we will just move ahead."
My head hurts. What was the point of all that?
Look....here's one GIVEN that is guaranteed. That is that WASes do flip and flop everywhere. Especially when trying to push the LBH's boundary on OM/OW.
There will be more of this in the next few days, weeks, and months. Gosh, Starsky endured this chit from the fetching Mrs. Starsky. Now look at them! In love like raging 15-year olds. It can happen. It does happen if you stick with the DB program.
If you had the power to see into the future, and see that the M does survive, would it help you get through this pain? I think it would.
You are wanting all of this to end as of it were a nightmare. You wake up and everything returns back to normal. Who can blame you? Since we have been in somewhat similar stitches, we can tell you that even though you had rather be quickly delivered from all of this.......you have to go t-h-r-o-u-g-h it.
If i may share a personal experience about going through the pain....... I was in labor and experiencing pain like I had never had before, I was suddenly afraid. I wanted the baby, but the pain was causing me to be afraid of what was happening.....and what if it got worse? What if I couldn't handle it? What if it killed me? I began to pray and say, "God please help me!" You may think this is a little dramatic, but I felt God's peace settle over me. It was as if He was telling me, "Sandi, you have to go through this process, but I will be with you all the way". And He was. Although it was painful, the result was a love like I had never experienced before.
Your day is dark and filled with fear. However, you can go through the pain and fear and look forward to the end result. You may be thinking that your stitch is different from giving birth. Maybe not. Maybe a new M will be born out of all this pain. I pray it will be a greater love for you and your W. It can be. I believe that with all my heart. I hope you will see this as steps or a process to get there.
(hugs)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you Vanilla, zew, Wonka, sandi and starsky for your kind and wonderful posts and support today. I'm glad this morning happened in the best way possible. It is a little comforting to hear from you that all this pain can result in a better stronger M. I am choosing to believe that and go on.
sandi... thank you for sharing your personal story. I am again very humbled that such a powerful story would be shared on this thread for my and everyone else's benefit.
I can go through this process as you say. I can. This morning was very painful and cruel. I survived. I had wonderful wonderful people in my corner. I can see this as a process. If we're to finally be together as a real strong couple and family, I have to show strength, do the heavy lifting, and practice forgiveness now. I will. I think I'll start going to the church right across the street from me. All these years here and I've never been inside.
I still have tonight to go before bed. I don't have a GAL so I'll be here with W and whatever she brings to test new and better me. Or, maybe I'll take my son to go play some tennis. Better idea.
Onward.
Oops... she just called. Then cut the call again before I could answer.
I can get to a new and better M from here. I can. Thank you everyone for saying so. I wish I didn't need encouragement but I do. I the near future, though, I know I won't need it as much. I'll be in a position to give.
Back into the salt mines...
Last edited by HPoirot; 11/24/1405:51 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
If you had the power to see into the future, and see that the M does survive, would it help you get through this pain? I think it would.
Yes. Absolutely. If I know my M would survive then none of this would be a problem. It could even be a pleasure. Wait... I could just act as if everything will work out no matter what. I could work to maintain my faith in that. The framing I talked about before. It's hard to remember in the thick of fear. But I'm getting better with fear now. I'm getting better...
...
New text from W just now... "I feel so bad about this."
I'm not responding. I don't think there's anything useful I could say.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
If you were to respond (like after she sends 5 more texts like this that you haven't answered), it could only be something from Wonka's validation primer, such as "This is not easy for any of us."
It may not seem like it, but you're having a good day, HP. Your W is getting your message loud and clear.
Ha! This is the best these days get? Maybe I'll treat myself to a drink tonight then. Thank you so much zew. Your posts have been very helpful on this my good day.
Seriously... I can see how this is a good day. I can see how I've led my sitch today. I am actively working to keep my head there.
Thank you all again so much for your support. This I think is the best website with the best people in the world. I am grateful.
Oh... just joking about the drink. I hope W doesn't bring any booze home.
Last edited by HPoirot; 11/24/1406:43 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Oops... she just called. Then cut the call again before I could answer.
And this is interesting. She's called twice now, then had second thoughts and hung up? Don't be too quick on the trigger to answer these calls. She sounds confused. That's ok. Let her deal with her doubts.
If she's not sure she even wants to make the call, I don't think it's a call you want to be on.
Of course, she may just be butt-last-number-redialing by accident. Let's not do too much mind reading.
Let's not do too much mind reading.