Young at Heart said: "For men, there is something Glover calls being a Nice Guy (NG). A NG is a man who builds his life around pleasing a woman, but only from his point of view. In reality it is a relationship where he is making in "his mind" covert contracts with the lady of his affections. He is telling himself if I do X for her, then she will do what I need. It is a sure way to have your heart broken as it usually won't work and when it doesn't work the Nice Guy just doubles down on his bet and does twice as much X that still won't get him what he had hoped for. In many ways, stopping all conditional contracts and just giving unconditional love and learning how that feels to give, can stop all the problems associated with being a NG."
OHMYGODS...I married a nice guy!!! this is exactly what he does...he believes if he does X I will do Y...and when I don't..he gets bummed, distant, and b!tchy. I've tried telling him that X doesn't work for me, but, as you mention, old habits die hard. I will buy him the book No More Mr Nice Guy for Yule!
