GB ... yup ... you are not crazy .. well ... maybe you are and you just have surrounded yourself with like minded crazy, there feel better??
I get the urges, I think we all have them regardless if we have the stones like you to admit them here. I think its that hole we have, its not patched up and won't be for some time so we feel like filling that need, rebuilding the ego ... as you said . you want to be in control and feel desired, with what you have gone through, what we all are going through ... seems to make sense.... we all have had our worlds turned upside down and its about getting the pieces back together and for Heavens sake feeling normal again... totally get that. Sometimes I too think .. maybe no strings sex will just allow me a break, for me I know it will just make things worse ... well that and why spoil the fantasy by actually doing it .. lol And yeah .. there are cycles of moods, I go through them too .. I notice in my dress, the dark days its the jeans, black shirt .. my black boots and I ride the Harley .... Light days I dress up, nice shoes, pressed shirt and rock my hair like a Rooster looking for a new hen house. But yeah .. the lack of having one to share the small things with, the things only intimate partners relate to, that's the killer .. I am struggling with it ... but we move on .. that's what survivors do .. we share here with people who get it, it does not cure it all .. but it helps.
