Newcomer Living in Hell 2

[labug]

noticed that she had taken down a picture of her and i from one of our first trips as a married couple. i didn't say anything but she noticed me notice it. she said, i'm erasing you from their lives. and you're such a good person.

Are those the words she actually used. I'm pushing you because you sometimes say things and then walk it back. Like her spew.

So what were her words about the picture.

let's be honest divorce means that you are willing to give up days with your own children of you're own accord. that's such BS! yeah looking at that i see how sorry for myself i'm feeling, i just hate this and i'm tired of the pain. she wants me to go to thanksgiving with them. she gave me big hug when i left.

bravo, you've said yourself that before the BD, you didn't spend much one-to-one time with your kids so it's hardly honest for you to paint her as an uncaring parent. She did everything for them for years.

Her inviting your to Thanksgiving with them hardly follows with the "erasing you" comment.

i only get the kids for one night this week because her mom is in town. i wonder how long it will take after the divorce for her to realize that i can't be her default blame for everything and happiness isn't garunteed with divorce.

Her happiness wasn't guaranteed with you either. And this is all from your writing here when you're being honest with yourself and us. You have said you were angry and treated her horribly. And that was for how many years? So it may take half that number for her to feel comfortable with you if she ever does. We have no crystal ball.

But what you can do is set your plan and work it. You have a roadmap and it's pretty much contained in this quote from you

I'm just a broken man that loves his wife that is trying not to self destruct due the poor decisions I've made in my life thst has impacted thosebi love negatively. I'm so sorry I hurt my W and kids with my critical and selfish nature and i would give up years off my life to show them how I truly feel inside.

It's easy to say you'd give up years of your life but you have the opportunity to do just that starting today. Make every interaction a good one. Spend fun times with your kids but don't just be a Disney dad. Read Claire's and Maybell's threads for suggestions on what to do and what not to do as a father who is now taking an active role in the lives of his kids. Or ask them directly.

Most importantly, believe that your W knows what's best for her. Don't remind her constantly that a D is not what you want, drop the hang-dog look when she's around. Stand proud knowing that you're going to change and make life better for your kids.

IN the past how would T-giving had been spent by you? Not your family, what would you have done?