Yeah...I agree with Jefe that it was an intense convo. I could feel my shoulders tense up as I read your latest post. Phew!
I was happy to read that you used some validating techniques. Yeah, it can be awkward at first. With more practice, it'll get easier. Use it on your own family, co-workers, etc. It is not just for WAS.
Originally Posted By: UpperCu
I asked quite a few open ended questions and she gave me a lot of information, including how she wants to sleep around once we're separated, although she says she hasn't done that yet. At another point she talked about how upset she was at her brother because he has pretended to support her, but when she told him I might sue OM, he said "good, you deserve that, you're a slut."
Let her family throw out truth darts to W. Yeah, she isn't liking it one bit at all! Too bad. As for her friend, W likes her because this friend is "supporting" her narrative and W will continue to surround herself with people who support her narrative.
That's why MWD says in her book that people outside of DB don't get it and constantly blare the siren of "D is the best option. Whatever makes you happy..." Rrriiiight.
I think you really hurt yourself with this:
Originally Posted By: UpperCu
I wound up fessing to W that I had been monitoring her computer use. She asked for me to delete the program I installed from the computer. Kind of funny, as she stood behind me, she said "Oh wow I had seen something pop up from that program and didn't think anything of it." WTF? She is so naive...
That was something you NEED to keep in your back pocket. Now that she knows, she will do an even better job trying to cover her tracks. You've lost a very valuable tool. Don't do this ever again. I wonder what you hoped to achieve by showing your cards to W?
Let W move out. And be sure to install some firm boundaries:
-no talking about OM or sleeping around to your face -cannot move back home until there's zero OM
I would suggest that you seek legal advice on the next steps to protect your financial and marital assets. I've seen far too many times the WAS go on a spending spree by raiding credit cards, the bank account, and whatnot.
It's important to protect yourself.
Meanwhile, you can still use validating techniques with W as appropriate. Show her a new way and it'll be a good contrast to the multiple OMs.
