Mozza (5)

[Mozza]

Thanks Vanilla. I'm also happy with the interaction. The only direct mention of the OM I've made is in reply to her email announcement. I wrote: "Thanks for telling me". Other than that, I've never mentioned him.

I told her twice that we have to go through this (the S) for our own sake, that we'll see if we meet on the other side -- last time I said so was almost two months ago, when we first met after she left. It means I've no control over her, that we both have work to do, things to live and that we don't know what the outcome will be.

She also knows I didn't want the S, although she's prone to forget it. I don't mind that too much at the moment, because she's infatuated with the OM, so I don't want to pursue. She sends me signals that it's over for good, like announcing the OM (though she knew the kids would babble) or talking about "the next 15 years" co-parenting while separated. I just ignore it, thinking it's the fog speaking. This being said, we never talk about D.

One other thing I might clarify: Where we live and in our minds, my W is not having an A at the moment. She left me, then she got together with this OM. It's not even an OM, by our standards: it's her new BF and I'm her XH. The only time D was brushed upon, she talked it about it like it was just paperwork. We got married in court, at short notice, and to an extent to get some papers in place. Nevertheless, we held hands, exchanged rings and vows with tears in our eyes, had a few friends with us, took pictures and went for dinner. We celebrated our anniversary every year. So it's important, but maybe not like some people who are more religious or made a bigger deal of their wedding. For my W, her wedding ring was always just one ring among many (how fitting now!).

I'm clarifying this because there seems to be a view that I have some moral high ground, that she's currently cheating on me, her H. I do believe that she had an EA with this OM before she left me, but based on it, she quickly ended our R and went with him. She did it as cleanly as possible. We're no longer together so, even if we're still married on paper, to her we're simply separated for good and free to do our own things.