It might be more effective for you to go over the HW with D before she's with your H, and then if he comes over, for you to LEAVE THE HOUSE. He can't pick fights with you or sack out and not pull his weight when you're not there. Also, if you get a call from the teacher about her homework can you forward it to him in some way? Or ask him to take your D to piano so he has to be responsible to the teacher?
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This is an issue where maybe brainstorming your alternatives would be helpful. Or coming at the problem backwards: "I don't want to police the homework. If I'm here, I will be put in that position. How can I back off?"
Another solution would be, when you do the handoff, to go over the homework with him before your D leaves, point out the highlighted portion, ask if he has any questions, and if he says he's got it, don't be available if he wants to come to your place for her to play.
Before he actually moved out, my H asked me to hang around his empty apartment all day to take delivery of his new bachelor pad furniture. I found that disgusting and so WRONG. I looked at him and said "If you want to be separated, then we have to be SEPARATE." I wasn't going to continue taking care of him if he didn't want to reciprocate.
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We're only separated in living arrangements. I'm still taking care of him, picking up his messes and making things easy for him. I pay all the bills, buy all holiday presents, maintain the entire house,
This is one simple sentence. "Now that we're separated, I'm not going to take care of XX anymore." Bam. Done. Nice voice, but firm. He is completely taking advantage of you.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
