H is back. Text this morning: "Good Morning! Hope that all is well. I was wondering if it would be OK to take the boys out for late lunch/early dinner this afternoon, like 3 or 4pm? If you all are busy, we can do another day, no problem. Plz let me know. Thanks! Me after 30 min.: Good Morning! All is well...thanks! Hope all is well w/you. The boys will be ready by 4pm. H: Ok. I'll see you then. Thank you. And I still don't know what to do... I am getting so positive and strong on myself, on my GAL. But I know when he show up I feel the pain again. Maybe would be easier if I am not home, maybe I will see him when he drop off the boys. I feel hopeless today... I need to be patient, patient, patient, and keep some of the vets words in my head, do what works and do "as if" and the 180s. At least we can talk to each other, but today I know that he is coming back from a vacation with the OW, this kills me and makes me jealous and I feel I just want to file for D and never see him again in my life. Utopia! We have kids together and this R will be forever, no matter what. I need to get real, but I feel like spinning. Any help from someone? By the way, my goal is to maintain some level of friendship with him, so if the D comes around as it is supposed to it won't be ugly for the kids, and it is always a way to show him my changes, my new me, at least make him think. I need to cry and I can't, I need to calm down and I can't, all what I feel today is defeat. I feel like it is all lost. Oh! God help me, I wonder if I can go through this, it's easier to just let go and move on, it's so hard to try again, to work on the R without any reassurances. How you deal with these feelings?
