The Black Knight

[LoisB]

D20 is, well, D20. Always a mixed bag of fun and angst. ;-)

Last week, we were driving home from, as you all know, a particularly rough week. Somehow, my dad came up in the conversation. D20 made some flippant remark about him and seeing him and so forth. I think it was about the holidays and going to Ohio.

Anyway, I, honestly, said, I'm not sure my dad and I will weather this last storm. I have worked this out in my mind, 1 million different ways, and I think this lie I told...well, it's been a good illumination into our relationship and how it works...I'm taking responsibility, but looking at the WHY's of the thing too.

So, I made this remark about the reality that my relationship with my dad may not weather this storm.

D20 said, "I'm so sorry mom."

"Is it because of me?"

I said, "You played a part."

I let it go and went on from there. I'm getting better at stating my truth and letting it go without taking on the responsibility of someone else's feelings.

Well, D20 went from perky and fun to sullen and mopey. She moped her way through Walmart and gave me the silent treatment.

D12, who had had a particularly hard day...we had met the counselor I want her to see and confronted her on some risks I want her to take...Well, I asked D12 what "fun" thing she wanted to do?

She said tubing.

At Walmart, I spent $30 on innertubes.

D12 and I blew them up at home.

D20 was still moping.

I dropped by her room and said, "Are you upset because of the comment I made about Grandpa?"

She said, "Yes."

"I said, well, I'm still angry and I won't pretend that I'm not. But, D12 and I are going tubing. It would be great if you could set aside your anger toward me and come with."

She did. She let it go.

Probably called my mother and sister and the President of the U.S...but she came.

We trudged for a mile in 3-4-foot deep snow to get to the (closed) tubing hill in the dark. We brought our choc lab with us. It was so worth it! This tubing hill is awesome and the lab loved, loved, loved it!!

I think she is still planning to head back to school next semester and work. I am certain she hasn't thought this through completely. I reiterated last week that she needs to go to counseling and/or meetings if she intends to remain with us. She assured me that she would be leaving soon...Okay.

I did tell her that I expected her to pay and cook for our Thanksgiving meal. I have no idea how to pay for it right now. I really needed some winter clothing/boots. Bills to pay, etc...

She had offered to cook, but wasn't too thrilled with the food bill.

Last week, she stayed home three days because of the snow. I think she could've made it to work for two of those days.

I kept my mouth shut.

She is driving D12 crazeeeee. She is nit-picking D12 and making sarcastic comments on every little thing D12 is doing...and, because d12 is hiding her grief and fear over this transition in her boy band obsession...she gives D20 plenty to poke fun of. D12 is so sensitive and D20 is so much like her father and loves to instigate...Maybe D20 going to PA isn't such a bad thing???

I'm not convinced it will happen though. I think she has a lot of variables she hasn't thought through very carefully.

The phone hasn't shut off, yet, that I know of. Probably today. That will be fun. I haven't the money to pay it.

I really have no reason to. I could add a landline to the house to keep D12 safe when alone for like 20 bucks, less. D12 doesn't use her phone anyway, because she hates it and hates when her dad texts her. She ignores it.