Everyone was right...especially 25yrsmlc..

[25yearsmlc]

25...thank you for the reply...it probably is my ego...I don't know. I guess a small part of me feels I could have somehow prevented all of this. If I had never mentioned the triggers, if I had only blah blah blah. Yes, I know it is ridiculous but that is how I am. This is so out of H's character in my mind or has he always been this man??

I'm not sure what's new or "out of character" for him. I don't mean to sound snarky, but I'm genuinely puzzled by that^^ statement. He did this years ago (your first time here) and ignored you and the kids for several months If I recall it right. And he was very depressed, correct?

You two reconciled but did Not restore the marriage. That's b/c no Retrovaille or serious IC was done and if I recall, you reconciled without Him actually processing what had occurred, NOT repairing or resolving his issues in any deep way...most or all of the "changes" were superficial sounding to me.

I think THIS^^ is who he is, i.e,. a chronically lost person who has lost his battle with the bottle and is mostly working on accepting that about himself. Hence the request that you "move on".

This way, he does not have to to be reminded of the costs of the lost battle, b/c God forbid he have to fight again....its easier to HIM, to surrender and go with the flow.



One question I have about your post was where you said the "but in his eyes the fight has already been lost, and he is right." What do you mean?

See above


I have already filed, and moved out with the kids. He goes days and days without seeing them.

same as before, yes?

When this all hit the fan he told me that I "overeacted" when I saw him at the bar. It is like he plants these seeds in my head just to give me a little doubt.


Really? Where? To ME, that is not a seed planted. It's just a tad LESS than saying "Sure, divorce me."

That is NOT something to hang onto Life2. Seriously, you have to see that you are grasping at the thinnest of straws. And he's NOT asking you to come back or even to stop the divorce! What does that tell you?

I know it's hard to hear and face, and I'm so sorry.

But really this^^^ IS a gift of clarity for you. There is no room for second guessing and self doubt. He wants out. He acts like it and he says it. And the boundaries he refuses to place on himself make it clear that he's just not that into being married to you...

Since I don't believe that you are a hard person to love, I can only believe that this isn't very much about you. It impacts you, a lot. I know that. But saying it's about you is just like saying it's about the kids. Did THEY wrong him? No they did not and yet he's ignoring them too.

You don't want them to wrack their brains wondering what THEY did to "cause" him to leave or how he can "not love them enough" to stay...

Yet that^^ is precisely what you are spending your mental/emotional energy doing.

Don't. Don't model that for them and don't do it to yourself. You really do need to stop that b/c its part of what got you back here in the first place. An inappropriate sense of your role in his choices.

Please answer those questions I asked about your dad and your childhood okay? I think you are avoiding it and that's odd, don't you think?



Just finding him at the bar was enough for me to know I was done. For good.
Thanks.