Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

Hey all.. Well I've been staying off the boards for a while as hearing all the bad news stories of others has done my PMA no good, and I wanted to purely work on myself, and hopefully give some meaningful updates..

I have had a couple of backslides in my happenings with W, but overall there hasn't been much in the way of change either way..

Interaction with W has been at a good level, and we are still talking very friendly/civilly (sp?), and are still spending roughly the same amount of time around each other..

She has been spending a lot of time with a 17yo female work colleague (W is 31), and I am seeing that this person is coming across as a bit of a sponge, but W doesn't see this fully yet.. She has got herself in to a bit of a trap with this person as she helped her out when she was contemplating suicide, and now this person has taken her on as a best friend etc.. W's kind heart might be biting her!!..

Anyway, W seems to get close to the point of almost being affectionate/intimate with me, but then other times seems to drift right off to not being cold, but just not there.. Is this typical WAW up and downs??..

I know I'm not imagining the closeness at times as it sticks out.. A perfect example was that we both went out for a smoke at my place, and there are plenty of places to sit, but she decided to sit right next to me on the stairs I was sitting, and there was barely a hand width between us.. There was no reason to sit this close.. I almost felt like kissing her, but I didn't want to push my luck!!..

My backslides are mainly coming from when we have good times, I mention a couple of days later about us getting back together, but the answer is always a negative, and then I get in to asking why etc..

Persueing, I know, and I expect a bit of a slap around the ears for it!!.. I'm finding it damn hard not to when the timing almost seems right though.. I also take from this that my detachment may need a bit more work too, and the fact I have to remember it's a marathon..

A lot of this is probably typical WAW behaviour, but I don't know.. I wish it was easy to work them out!!.. I look at my situation and realise I have it better than a lot of others (no OM, get to see kids, friendliness/amicability etc), but the biggest thing that is missing is the thing that hurts the most!!.. She tells me she still respects, cares and trusts me, and thinks I am attractive so why does it have to be so hard for her to make the decision to have the R again??..

I'll probably cop a 2X4 for this too, but a couple of weeks ago I purchased new tyres for her car, and am doing a major service on it tomorrow.. The 2X4's can come, but let me explain a couple of reasons why this is good.. It proves I am a MAN, and we all know that women love men who can do this sh1t!!.. Secondly, it proves I care about the environment my kids travel in.. Another thing that women love!!..

In the back of my mind I know I should be saying "stuff you, you left you sort it", but my heart and front of my mind says "do what is right for your W and kids safety, and show her the man you are".. I don't want my kids driving in a car with crap tyres, and I don't want them stuck in the middle of bumfvck if the car stuffs up due to lack of maintenance.. Someone may tell me I'm wrong for doing this, but in the big picture, I see I am right for the right reasons..

What gets me is that my W is definitely with my time and effort, even after everything that has happened.. I want nothing more than my family to be back whole again..