WHAT IS THE LONGEST TIME ANY OF YOU WERE IN A SSM? I think there must be a time when the damage has been done for so long that as someone up further has said, a reconditioning has occurred, and the originally rejected spouse becomes the rejecting spouse, and never looks back. Any thoughts?
Almost 20 years. But that's not the complete answer. It can take many paths to resolution. If the couple has an otherwise positive relationship the HD spouse eventually realizes that the LD spouse is that way for reasons other than lack of love. And so an open marriage is one solution if they still want to stay together for many other reasons. Often it's a don't-ask-don't-tell arrangement, as Dan Savage has often described it. It's something that works well for some people. The fact that some people don't see how it could work for them, and therefore couldn't for others, is irrelevant. Marriage doesn't work for some people, while it works well for others.
So it may be an SSM, but only in the sense of sex within the marriage. Otherwise, both partners are sexually happy in their own ways.
