on not getting "stuck"

[forward]

Hello all, every now and then I come back to see if there are any updates from people in my MLC timeframe. Not many any more! When I see newbies, I am always saddened by how prevalent these issues are.

My story, in short, is that X left me, in full-blown MLC, when we had a 14-month-old. He was with someone half his age. After a long time of feeling resentful and angry, I began to use the time to gain some inner strength, examine what went wrong, and think about the future.

OW was exactly the little user I knew she was, and left him. We divorced and he met another woman, who died. I actually felt sorry for her as he left her when she was ill. Then X had an accident that has caaused him endless problems and major health issues.

In the meantime, I meant a great guy. New Guy and I dated 3 years and married. I now have a very good life with someone who thinks I am awesome and who is pretty awesome himself!

I see X's vanity and saelf-absorbed tendencies and am glad to have escaped. At the same time, I feel sorry for him as he is alone most of the time and with no one to help him through his medical problems. I have helped him some but am glad that I do not feel obligated to. If he were not D's dad, I would have moved and would not be in touch with him, but really it does not matter any more. X has a life that he wanted: without annoying people to deal with. However, I can hear at times--many times--that he sounds ready to cry and I do have a heart and realize how hard things must be for him.

DD is a happy grade school kid and X and I cooperate around her.

I still believe that i did my best to save my first marriage, and I am glad that I did and recommend it to everyone. But around me, I see people who are desperately stuck. They still pay attention to every little thing the X does and are angry and fighting. It is true that the best thing you can do is pay attention to yourself and enjoy your time alone. When I met New Guy, I figured I could take or leave a R. I was pretty happy with my life. New Guy made it better.

I have a friend who has now been divorced much longer than married. She constantly laments her divorced state. Her X is no prince but their battles go on and on. Their kids are a mess and know only fighting. I am glad I do not have that to contend with. although I can only imagine the pain when a OP becomes the spouse, I also think that one must move on and must have his/her own life. I learned to like my own company and was as happy watching movies alone as I was doing other things. I made a lot of new friends and tried lots of new things.

So fight the good fight. Do everything you can--maybe it will work. But don't get stuck. Don't be here 15 years from now, still noticing X's socks or something like that. Begin now!

Good luck.