I thought everything was okay...

[MCS]

So before BD, I literally had no clue that there were any significant issues in our marriage. We had what seemed like normal disagreements about activities and such, but we never really fought, we always seemed to resolve our issues, etc. It actually was quite the opposite of bad this last year, we travelled a lot on vacation; kids were easier to manage, we spent more time together, etc.

So during BD, my W said everyone knew our M was on the rocks and she's told everyone including me what was wrong, that I did nothing around the house or w/kids. I asked who those people were. The one's she said knew, I talked to afterwards (before DB!) and they said it was quite the opposite, it seemed as if she had some 'normal' complaints every marriage has but she told them I was doing what she had asked.

Now, objectively, we did share work fairly equally, just in different areas. We had talked about this a few times and it seemed as if we were in agreement but we could improve what the other's concerns were. I did take some actionable steps to address her concerns and from friends it seemed that she saw that.

Anyway, she's been in this evolving R with OM for quite some time during our M. ~1 year. If I remember back at that time, I was working more and the kids were younger and she would get very overwhelmed with them sometime. I don't recall her ever telling me even back then there were significant issues, either.

What folks have told me was that she did say was that she was 'Unhappy' without any real context to it. She said the same thing to me once prior to BD. I asked her why and she said she wasn't sure, so I started to give her suggestions to be happy (a 180 for me...) but she had never, ever said anything about any issues with me or our marriage.

Anyway, this was all before anyone knew about OM. Even her BFF didn't know what was going on until after I confronted the W after our S and said she should tell the BFF. Anyway, I think that about that time the R started; she got overwhelmed with the balance that a lot of women go through after kids and still working full time. We had some stresses with the kids around that time and I know that she would get overwhelmed easily. The kids were younger and demanded a lot of time (we split up caring for them for the most part, but our D needed much more attention then S) We've always struggled with the balance of her own 'free' time in our marriage even before kids and around that time she didn't have too much of it.

We had different days off from work. I would normally work mine, but for hers she would take the kids to daycare and go do her own thing. I figured this was giving her some time to decompress, but this is when she started hanging out with OM. As the R with the OM evolved, it almost seemed like she was doing things to cover up any issues in our marriage instead of address them.

I guess that's what I'm saying. For the last 1-2 years, I don't see really any effort from her to address the actual concerns in our marriage, I'm not sure where she would have checked out. Like I said up until BD, we still talked about things that concerned us, so it was like normal ebbs and flows, not that she just let me do whatever I wanted like the WAW in MWD videos. I look back at the last year and its almost like as the R with the man evolved, she started to distance herself from her friends and me and actually cover up issues. Her and I were planning our next vacation the night of her BD...