Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt.2

[UpperCu]

Had a chance to talk to W tonight in a calmer setting.

She said she feels like yesterday was a big deal for her and she is starting to shed parts of herself. Not sure to what extent she meant that, but she wasn't wearing her wedding ring today. That's a first.

I told her I was open to working on our M and discussing what got us here as long as OM isn't in the picture. She said "you don't get it, he is not in the picture and this is about me wanting to be alone, not about being with someone else. You still think this is about OM. I don't want there to be a WE or an US. Just a ME."

Ouch. That stung.

I responded "I am just saying the only context where I am open to working on our M is if he is completely out of the picture. I know your feelings about being alone are very real. I hear you loud and clear. I also realize that we are married right NOW. That means we can always get S or D, but right now we have the opportunity to learn from all the pain and difficulty we are going through."

She mentioned that she doesn't think we got where we are at all of a sudden, rather it was many small things. She doesn't think others can understand that and probably won't.

I addressed that statement and her feelings of wanting to be independent and free saying "I see how in our R you fought for our M early on. You made sure we never went to bed angry, that we resolved conflict quickly. You were also there for me when I started a new job a couple years ago. You had a lot going on in your life too, more than me, but you didn't complain. You stepped up and pushed me through it, all the while dealing with me complaining. Our life together became about me. We moved out of state for you to pursue your career, but this ended up being about me and my career. I was fortunate to be successful but that brought the spotlight on me and placed you in the shadow. I get that you feel like you're living in the shadow of my accomplishments, the house we have, the cars, everything is what I "provided" for you. No one realizes the great accomplishments you've made in your career, the hard work you put in. You've been unlucky compared to your close friend, but you know what, I think you will have just as many prospects as her in a few months. You have a lot going for you. You're a catch."

Silence. She said "I don't know how to communicate with you right now."

I didn't pry or plead for a response. I really didn't need one, I was just getting my feelings out there. We parted ways and went to our separate rooms for the night.