Need help. Jefe wants to change himself. Pt 7

[Jefe]

Jefe .. just caught up ... something jumped out at me.

The GAL thing ... and how you do not really want to do these things as you were "content" with the M and family. I get that ... I was the same and did not want to appear I was having a good time and confirming her decision that its better off we are apart. But ... you are just staying in limbo as she GAL's ya know?

The GAL is to get your mind off this, help build yourself up a bit .. do something different and grow, get out of your comfort zone ... reading you are still basically obsessed with your sitch ... dude you need some mental breaks from this just to get into perspective. I have caught myself on this forum reading so many sitches I realized ... woah ... I need to step away, get with God, and find center.

I recently heard a sermon ... and have been trying do this more. Spend 10 minutes outside and just sit in silence. Ask God to speak with you and guide you. I have yet to do this consistently .. but when I have been able to get into that place, I feel 100% better.

Yes, you're right. I'm going crazy. Hope414 warned me, if I didn't go down this path with long term focus and some emotional detachment it was going to drive me mad. And here we are. Thank God I have my favorite Bible study/dinner tonight with my sponsor, grand-sponsor and lots of other friends.

I like the sitting outside thing. I literally have a lake 1 mile from my house. And there's 2 more larger lakes 15-20 minutes away right next to my church's main campus. Guess I need to start putting these resources to more use.


Okay.

Just got off the phone with the wife. Cali, sounds JUST like your sitch. She was calling about the girls and money, etc. Wanted to know what I was doing tonight, why the kids are spending the night at my mom's (But I don't ever dare ask what she's doing) that kid of thing. She had a very pleasant demeanor so I played along. Then she asks, "Are you ever going to talk to me about the email?" I said, sure, what about it? She wanted to know what I thought about it and I said, "This is not at all what I want." She wanted to know if she scheduled it would I go to the free consult. I said fine. Then I asked what was the big freaking rush. She said no rush really, just wanted to know what happens next if we move forward. That so sounds like my wife. It doesn't make it any more appetizing. The rest of the conversation was nice.

I hate everything about this. I hate the way we already talk about kids being here kids being there, Holidays, Roger, ughhh. Why would anyone purposely choose this as a way of life? Okay, rant mode off. Time to jump in the shower.