I am the man worth being with!!! She just refuses to see it because I'm competing with a fantasy!!
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That is the SINGLE worst thing in the world that will tank your sitch faster than a rocket on fire.
Go back and read that six times and then tell me you don't see what's wrong with this! Oh my goodness!
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
The point is that you did things in your M that pushed your wife away. She felt neglected and [insert other emotions here] to the point that -- right or wrong -- she felt she had to find another man to fill the emotional void.
How in the holy heck can you say that you "are the man to be with" and act like she's just too stupid to see it?
You have A LOT to prove to her. Start by being humble and knowing that you've got work to do on yourself. Then stop deleting texts from the OM and being self-satisfied you deceived her about it; and yes, a lie by omission is still a lie!
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I see what you mean, Rzrback, and you are right about competing with a fantasy. But don't let that mindset cause you to give up. She may not see you are the man for her, until she comes out of the fog. Until then, you know what you need to do, right?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok .. OM was hanging himself going 6 days with no text. You delete this ... now when they do talk .. he will be like I textd you on Friday and you ignored me .. She will think .. no I did'nt ... wait .. Husband nuked the TM and is trying to sabotage the one good thing I have in my life, how many other messages did he delete ... I could have been talking to OM all week if not for H ... now YOU are the enemy and the one she is pissed off at ... not OM for 6 days of radio silence
Let the A run its course, use the time to work on you ... I hope nothing comes out of this "small" act as you may see it .. but it very well could be a huge issue if exposed.
And yeah .. STOP listening to her gush about OM.... that is a respectable quality in a friend .. not a SPOUSE
Unfortunately there may always be a fantasy. You are a flesh and blood H.
A H who needs to could choose to concentrate on himself, a H who could choose to Get A Life and a H who could dance to his own tune.
Sandi is wise, she advises you well.
And you could choose to follow the advice given or stay stuck. Your choice. Yours.
Which tune will you dance to? Yours or Ws. It is within you to do this, to make this choice. Once made then it will be forward movement for you. No stopping.
Turn your phone off, choose to give yourself a break. Do a 180.
Strength
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/21/1410:03 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
The point is that you did things in your M that pushed your wife away. She felt neglected and [insert other emotions here] to the point that -- right or wrong -- she felt she had to find another man to fill the emotional void.
How in the holy heck can you say that you "are the man to be with" and act like she's just too stupid to see it?
You have A LOT to prove to her. Start by being humble and knowing that you've got work to do on yourself. Then stop deleting texts from the OM and being self-satisfied you deceived her about it; and yes, a lie by omission is still a lie!
OK, I get your point now. I have been open and humble and owned my role in this mess, from the beginning. Of course our discussions go in a circle. I tell her I don't want to talk about OM and she reminds me what I screwed up to get here. She still blames me ultimately, and won't own up to the fact that while she can't control her feelings, she does have control over what she does with OM.
Hopefully the text thing won't blow up in my face. It wasn't that smart. Chances are it's OK. My wife isn't very techno-savvy, and she does NOT know that I can get into her phone. I've made sure of that. But it was done for short-term satisfaction and not for long-term good. I get that now.
Last edited by Rzrback; 11/21/1410:12 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
That's true, Sandi. I need to continue to work on myself. I know this is not a sprint, but I let my frustration get the best of me.
Today was a good day with her, and those are almost harder to handle than the bad ones. Because I'm not as clear about how to act around her (I want to reward good behavior). That's and I know the other shoe will drop eventually and she'll be back in the hole.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
