Thanks Wonka, you are right. I see the same dynamic as you with W. He is living at MD Anderson and getting treatment (chemo mostly) that they say is "working" in that the tumors are getting smaller. My W said that once they get to a certain size (smaller) they will remove them. The problem is that the chemo is causing him to be sick. Many side effects and they have had to stop at times to allow him to get stronger then start the chemo back up. He has lost as much weight as I think he possibly can. He has been in and out of ICU several times in the last month, all because of the side effects of the treatment. Of course once they are ready to remove the tumors, he has to be strong enough to have the surgery to get them out. At this point, it's the treatment that is killing him more than the cancer itself. Of course, without the chemo it would have grown too large to remove at all in time so it's a choice of which poison.
I don't know Wonka. To be honest I have such mixed feelings. Part of me has watched this man hurt so many people including my best friend and W over so many years. He has totally destroyed his only son, hurt my MIL, a person I know to be such a good hearted, caring individual. He has pushed my W for years to leave her M and family until, once she was in crisis, she listened. He has lived a selfish life and hurt so many of the very people he had responsibility toward (like his own kids) and has shown no remorse for his actions. At the same time he is my W's father and a fellow human being. It's just so hard to find compassion for him especially now when I'm struggling just to make it in large part because of him and his actions and the effect they had on my W from the time she was 10 years old.
If my W hadn't left, if we weren't getting a D, what would my attitude be toward my kids spending TG with him? Would I back my W and say that they should as this may be his last? If that is the case and I believe it to be, then I need to put aside any other considerations and back that plan. I don't know. Just one more thing to have to think about.
In other news my D14 texted asking if a 16 year old boy she likes can take her home after school. My first thought was no but I thought it's only 2 miles (I don't think she should be driving with a kid with so little experience). So, I told her only if he takes her right home, that they go no where else, that he NOT be there alone with her, etc. I added that she needed to also get her mom's approval as well. Well, she texted back that her mom just said no and gave no reason and asked if I would try and change her mom's mind. I told her that wasn't my place and that her mom is just, like me, worried about her driving with someone so young and inexperienced.
Well, I got a text from W... W: D14 says you think it's fine that boy drive her home? Fact or fiction.
M:Not true. I told her that I didn't think she should be driving with someone so inexperienced. I told her IF he only took her the short drive home and that was all it might be OK. She read more into it than was there. I also backed you saying that you didn't want her driving with someone so inexperienced. She is just wanting to get her way.
W: Was hoping that was the case. I told her all the same stuff except that it's not ok even a short distance. It's wet out and he is inexperienced.
M: I agree especially if it's wet. (Went on to say I told her a bunch of "If only's" which was dumb as I had already said that! I also told her that I thought it was a rule that at 16 in TX you can't drive with minors not related to you.)
W: I think flat out no is better (At this point I should have ended this exchange but didn't..dang it!)
M: You're probably right. At that age they have a way of forgetting what they agree to.
W: It was our rule that D19 not drive with (BFF at age 16) until she had more experience. Though there may be a law.
M: I'll look it up. Would be nice if it was a law. Makes sense as young drivers are so easily distracted.
End of exchange. Well, I guess I'm glad W just didn't go ahead and let D14 do whatever she wanted. I'm a little ticked that she would think I would just say it was fine and over rule her. Didn't like the tone of her first text either. Next came D14 asking if she can go on a "date" with this guy next week while they are off for TG holiday. I texted only if he doesn't drive and they meet where ever it is they go and also what the plans are. Movie or something is fine, party or something like that, not so much. She's only 14 and he's 16. I hate this parenting by text message. I so wanted to be able to be there together as a family for these kind of things. I hate MLC!
