There it is Heather. That is what I was saying. It's hard because you want the old Smokey to come back. What I read from what he has sent so far is it's STILL all about HIS pain. "I'm hurting, too" is NOT "I know I caused you and the kids so much pain". So what exactly is it that "hurts" him? The loss of his tools? The dead cat? Not once did he elude to the fact that it was HIS choices that caused everyones pain in the first place. Nor did he say not seeing his kids or having a R with them was painful. To me he isn't hurting for any of the reasons you are and think he is. I would be interested in hearing just what part of the sitch is it that hurts for him. I know in the past when I knew my W was hurting, I thought it was because of the same reasons I was or assumed it was because of the things that cause me so much pain but it really wasn't. She was in pain for her own reasons that had nothing to do with the things that hurt me. We want to think that they hurt because they miss their old life. They miss their family or the R they had with us. I don't think any of those things are what is hurting for him.
Stop and take a deep breathe. The NC text is sent so it's done. Stop questioning what you have already done and just consider what you will do going ahead. You're still one of my hero's Heather. You got this......
