New to DB - Need Help! Pt 2

[NH115]

She's napping right now so I thought I'd journal a bit.

I know the text thing was childish, but that was for me. She'll never know I did it. I can't stop her from texting w/ him, but I don't have to make it easy.

We've actually had a decent day and she's been in a good mood. We had a productive R talk this morning. One of my things I need to work on for me is my assertiveness. Basically she just doesn't see me as assertive or take charge, and that's one of the reasons she's not attracted to me. I asked her what she considered assertive. The good news is that I've been doing a lot of those things; I had the presence of mind not to point that out to her.

She's actually kind of angry at OM right now. He hasn't texted her in 7 days (well, he did, but I don't need to tell her that). She talks about F'ing with his mind the way he's F'ed with hers. I do say I like the "take charge of herself" W better than the victimy one I've seen lately. He'll say things that get her heart racing, not overtly sexual but bold and flirty, and then disappear for days at a time. Basically she knows in her head that he's a "scoundrel" (her words, my terms for him are unprintable) but her heart and her hormones won't listen. The only thing I told her was that my issue with him is not so much that I'm worried about her physically cheating (which is a clear point of no return for me), but that until she gets him right in her head, there's not much chance of her reconnecting with me. He didn't cause our root problems, but he's a huge wedge to us working on them.

It would almost be easier, I think, if we were physically separated. I'm having a real hard time being attentive (I want to reward when she's calm) and being detached at the same time. I'm mostly good at keeping my emotions in check. Attacking the OM is a bad habit I need to kick, big time. I try not to mention him at all, but every talk we have, she mentions him. She talks over and over about he's not the root cause of our issues, but she won't stop talking about him. It would almost be easier if I lived somewhere else and could just go dark.