Separated, but still friends

[Sotto]

I'm sorry to hear about the hard times your boys have had - and great that they are doing so well now. I'm not so sure now about possible MLC. My understanding is that it comes more 'out of the blue' - whereas you and your H have had some big challenges in your lives recently.

I too feel much better when I have been out doing things. It is easier to feel more optimistic when you have been busy and your mind has been off things. I meditate daily now, and am slowly reading Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn, which has helped me feel more calm and centred. It has also helped me not having contact with H recently as he has decided to continue the A relationship...although it sounds very rocky from what I hear about it.

I have eased off on work in recent months. I have been doing some, but not as much as I usually would, and not the high pressure stuff, so that has helped. One of the best things I have done has been to volunteer at a local bookstore a couple of times a week. I love the shifts I do there & it is very laid back and friendly.

Like you, I find this site very helpful, and you really pick up some things that stay with you. 'Aiming for better, not bitter' is one that struck a chord recently. Plus I think the same advice delivered again and again, it really sinks in.

I also go to an infidelity support group, which has been interesting. There is a mix of folk, most of whom have reconciled with their spouse who cheated...so that has been good.

It's still very up and down though - and our situation feels pretty bleak at the moment. It is hard to like my H just now, given recent behaviour. And it really does help keep you sane, just focusing on 'you.' I have been seeing an IC too - she is lovely, and that has helped.

You say you feel stuck, but recognise that you are dealing with one of the most difficult things you will ever come across - and you are doing really, really well. Each day is another day - some will be better, some will be worse, but you will get there...

Good for you booking a Thanksgiving trip.....enjoy yourselves! Toots :-)