W was very close with her M. Her F is not very communicative and has a very obvious generalized anxiety disorder (full disclosure: my assessment only, but I think my wife would corroborate this). Her adopted brother was very difficult, but not towards her. Her sister has OCD-like behaviors. W was popular, had friends. worked at The Gap, perceived herself as "cool".
When we met, W was struggling with an anxiety disorder - she would get panic attacks - and her mother helped her cope with this. Unfortunately, her M had brain cancer and died about six months after we met. This was devastating to her. I thought I could fill the void somewhat, but nothing compensates for the loss of a parent. Furthermore, I urged her to go off meds and cope with anxiety disorder with therapy instead - stupid me.(a brief tangent: I feel like a real Pr-ck. I carry a lot of regrets about my past behavior, believe me - there is a lot I would change). For a while after her mother's death, she referred to herself as the glue holding her family together. Her F was quite dependent on her M and was traumatized after her death. He developed a hospital phobia. He relied on my W a lot to help after his wife died. He remarried quite quickly, though, with little warning to my W (very poor communicator). This was initially a sore spot for my W. I encouraged her to get along with her new stepM for her father's sake.
W got along well enough with her F and his new wife over the years. We both felt they were somewhat irritating, and I think my wife was frustrated that her father did not know how to show her love (in huge contrast to my parents, her ILs). Her step mother was always saying things to rufffle feathers and did not know how to mind her own business. My wife did not like her and would not have felt comfortable leaving our children with her. Now, her stepM is her new best friend. She was very quick to throw me under the bus and justify my wife's actions.
W did not suffer from depression to my knowledge. I never noticed disturbance in sleep, eating, affect/mood. If she did, I missed the signs completely.
RAI
p.s. thanks for hearing me out. It is quite painful speaking all this out. I feel like a monster.
