It sounds like you have a good, solid IC to work with.
I also think it's the right thing to put the separation papers on the back burner for the time being to allow the pair of you to cool off. Hot heads do not go any where at all.
I hope you told her after the part about not continuing the affair that you're willing to work on the M as long as the OM is completely out of the picture. Not living in an open M is your boundary.
I do hope you will have the opportunity to say this to W at some point when you two are more calmer and be civil with each other.
