a young marriage in trouble

[lnlyshp]

Hello all. I found this website a few days ago and have been browsing some of the materials and forums. I think it would help me a lot to share my story and get some experience from some of the other people here.

To begin, I am a young man (22). I have been married to my W (21) for <1 year. We have an 18 m/o son together. We have been together for 6 years, through high school, save for a breakup a few years ago that lasted about 6 months with almost no contact. You know the old saying about letting something go if you love it? I did it. We had a tough relationship growing up, but have always loved each other and stuck by each other. After she was hospitalized for nearly 2 months, she felt that she wanted to experience life without me. I took it hard at the time. I begged, I pleaded, I negotiated. It simply drove her away.

I made peace with that failure in my life. I knew that, along with her needing to experience life, that I had not treated her very well. I was possessive and jealous. I understood why she had left even if I did not want to admit it to myself. I was depressed for a long time, but was living with a roommate so I had someone to talk to. Eventually, I started to think about her less and less. After what seemed like a long time alone, I finally started to move on with my life. I was finishing my Associates degree and working nights to get through life. She called me one night (approximately 6 months after) during one of my shifts and asked to get breakfast together. She told me that she had missed me very much during this time and I explained I had missed her as well. We decided to reconcile. I felt at the time that she was sincere about missing me, and not simply coming back to me out of loneliness. Or maybe I had just convinced myself. I'm not sure I will ever know.

Not long after reconciling, she was pregnant. Before someone asks - I am 100% sure that the baby was mine. I think that its fair to say that this happened too quickly, but I was in love and I had my girl back. The baby is something I will never regret. Six months later, I proposed to her and she agreed. My son was born in May of 2013. My wife and I were married in March of this year.

We were living in an apartment together at the time and, although we would still bicker, the fighting had largely subsided. I was happy at the time, and I do believe that she was as well. We fell into some problems with our living situation. Out of necessity, we moved into the basement of a family member's home. Neither of us liked the situation, but it was only supposed to be temporary. We appreciated saving money and my family's generosity, but it can be very tough to live with your family in a space that is not your own. I should also point out that I was going to school full time and she was working. This was an arrangement that I didn't like, but she wanted me to focus on school. I quit the best job I ever had (night shift) when she was returning to work after her maternity leave. I had another part time job while she worked full time and I stayed with the baby during the week. Before we moved in with my family, she encouraged me to leave my part time job because she saw that I hated it, I was about to start school again, and it helped a lot in regards to having someone to watch my son while she worked her 9-5. When we moved in with my family, the fighting began again.

I left too often. I would spend time with my friends at night. We don't go out and party or anything, mainly just watch TV and play games and that sort of thing. Before, when we were living on our own, I was always at home. I had people over from time to time, but didn't feel comfortable having guests in our temporary living space, so I left. This made her feel lonely. I also was questioning my own manhood (living under a family member's roof, no job, in the nurturing role) and had started to grow jealous and possessive again. That said, I do have reason to believe that someone else is in the picture.

She left. She took my son, packed up all of her things, and left. She is staying with her family currently. Once again, I begged at first. And pleaded. And nothing helped. In my search for answers, I discovered this site. I began reading through the forums. I discovered the 37 rules, many of which I see a lot of wisdom in. I just feel it may be too little, too late.

I have my strong days and my weak days. It is tough because we still see each other most every day (I am still the one that watches my son primarily through the week). I have begun to see a counselor for 2 reasons: 1) I needed someone to talk to besides my family, who love me and comfort me, but I know are just really hoping for the best. 2) I want to show my wife that I am making an active effort to change. If she does come back (I do not think she will), then I want to improve myself, my communication skills, and learn to deal with things better. On my strong days, I do not call or pursue in any way. I pick up my son politely, I say goodbye first, and I do so with a smile. On my weak days, I wake up after terrible dreams. I call her in the morning. This has happened twice in the five or so days that she has been gone. Because of our son, I am unable to go completely dark.

I know that none of you can help solve my relationship problems or get my wife back. But it is therapeutic to discuss my situation with those that have gone through something similar. I am open to any and all advice. Again, I know I am young. Please do not hold that against me.

-lonelyship