Heather - everything Job and everyone else has said to you is spot on. They are nice when it suits them/when they want something etc. We then fill in the dots, remember the old person, and tend to mistakenly think they are waking up, because we want them to.
Quote:
We have to maintain communication because of our children.
While that is undoubtedly true as a principle, it has hardly been the case for the last ?how many years? Where has he been for your children in the last few years?
They say this stuff, hard to argue with the truth of the statements but they haven't been walking the walk.
Smokey: We have to maintain communication because of our children. you take care also.
After taking a closer look at this text, I went "whoa!!!" The realization hit me that Smokey knew exactly what he was doing with that text: hitting your soft spot...the girls.
Funny, you don't have to "maintain" communication because of the children since he hasn't for A LONG TIME. This is all on HIS OWN terms. Jerk!
Here's what I think...especially while I'm stressed with all that's going on...I see both points.
He can contact the kids directly.
Ok. Maybe the NC isn't bad for now.
I think it's best for me to remain NC. I do better when he is at a distance and other people, like the atty, have to handle him. Even if this is legit...he is still toxic and bad for me...
And, He!!, I did pay $3,350 so far to protect myself from his crazeee. If he is waking up, then, it's the move and my move toward independence from him that's helped it along.
NC is the way to go. He needs to sit in his shid.
I may respond, though, that he can contact kids without me. In the event of an emergency? Contact me email? Do I give my email? Or just tell him to text if there's an emerg.
Maybe...
Me: Both our girls are capable of communicating to you if they choose. You haven't shown much interest in the past 6 mos. to a year. It's up to them. If there's an emergency, contact my atty or send a text.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Me: Both our girls are capable of communicating to you if they choose. You haven't shown much interest in the past 6 mos. to a year. It's up to them. If there's an emergency, contact my atty or send a text.
I don't think so. The text engages, and it accuses him. Neither are helpful. If he gets it, he gets it, and if not, no point saying it.
There is always an agenda with these people, always. You will know if and when he has changed or wishes to change.
Heather, Just thank him for paying the premium and let it go. You have to know when to keep your mouth shut and not go off on a tangent. One of the things that you continue to do is rub his face in what he's done. Yeah, we all get it, but you've got to stop doing that because it makes you look like a bitter, vindictive woman. Sure you hurt and have been abandoned, but you've got to let it go and stop putting stuff out there in print.
Yes, you still will need to communicate w/him in some fashion about your girls, but that doesn't mean you have to be chatty w/him at this point in time.
What I am sensing from the postings from him is: 1) he may realize that the divorce is actually going to happen; 2) you've gotten stronger and more independent and it shocked the h@ll out of him because you moved; 3) you aren't where you he thought you would always be; and 4) he no longer has power over you. Manipulate you? Yes, I see a bit of that and even if he's talking like he's got sense right now, it doesn't mean that he wants to come back and try again. My sense is that he's trying to be nice because he knows that if he plays nice, you'll open up and be chatty. He's your enemy right now and you don't want to tell him everything, especially when it comes to putting stuff down in black and white.
Quiet frankly, I think the man is having some clarity, but not enough to say he's baked. I think he's relieved that the house is going on the market and that is one less headache to contend with. I also think he's happy and relieved that you got a real job. This is one more financial burden he won't have to deal with because he can now claim you have a good paying job and who knows, this may an angle he's toying with, i.e., no spousal support.
My advice still stands...stfu when it comes to telling him stuff, both personal and financial at this point in time. This is a very crucial time in fact gathering and none of us want to see you blindsided w/info that you may have told him in a fit of anger or when he's being nice.
For now...just thank him and let it go. I honestly do not trust him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
