Little, I am trying to see it from her perspective. The part I am struggling with is that she made terrible choices. She chose to go outside the M. How could someone choose that? If your H is selfish and controlling, you go for counselling, no? you don't just walk out on the marriage.
You're assuming everyone handles their difficulties logically and the way you do. Everyone's mode of dealing with things is different, people do things they never imagined they'd ever do, and people make mistakes and then learn from them (or not, sometimes, too).
You can't control what she does, nor what she did. It happened. It's done.
Originally Posted By: RAI
She is now choosing to divorce me. She is choosing OM over me. How do I turn off my own resentment towards her for her choices? How can I love her? How can I come home every day and smile at her? How vulnerable can I make myself?
Only you can answer this. Can you? If not, you cannot have a healthy, loving relationship with your W. You need to think about how that affects any future you want with her and what your plans are for YOU going forward.
But one thing's certain: You cannot make her do anything. You can only change YOU.
It's okay to feel upset by her actions. It's okay to feel resentment and hurt and anger and grief. My IC tells me all the time I HAVE to feel what I'm feeling to get past what I'm feeling. But you process it, figure out a way to DEAL WITH IT. You don't sit and fester with it. You can't. It's toxic poison.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
